On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
don't judge my taste in strippers
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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