She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
