Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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