WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm both gender and math confused
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