I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
