I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Panties = found
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
