Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
