video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
