just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize