get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
