She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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