so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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