1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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