Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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