So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
