So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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