i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Even my vagina gasped.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
