my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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