ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
