Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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