thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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