i jhust puked up my retainher.
Non-Jews are for practice
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize