Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
