I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
