it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
where are my eyebrows?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
