I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
