If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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