Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
