I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
