Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize