I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
