Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
