i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
