My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
