I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
