Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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