just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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