onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
