why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
