Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
