What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
