bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
