Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You pole danced in your parka.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
