She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize