her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
