if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Quick, to the slutcave!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
