I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
