whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
