just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
