well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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