Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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