I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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