Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
