I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
