I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
