She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
