Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
