i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize