I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
