I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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