and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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