why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
