so explain again why im purple
no
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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