I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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