Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I deserve this hangover.
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