I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
