come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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