I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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