In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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