Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize