So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
