Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
