You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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