So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The feeling are messing with the penis
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
