I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize