Soap is not a condiment
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Naked Twister starts at high noon
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
