You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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