Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
