So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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