I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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