I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
