Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
