his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Someone came in the potted fern
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
