Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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