Cold hands, warm shart.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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