Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
