I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
