I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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