Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
