dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
