We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
