Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
