And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
