No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
