it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
