like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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