The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
